WOW... I just printed off the form for my degree application. Which means that i'm graduating, and really soon... wow this feels so epic.. My stomach feels all jittery.. lol.. Now I have to finish filling out my peace corp application and then life will really be taking off. I'll actually be stepping into the real world. I'm not a kid anymore, very soon (if all goes as expected) i'm going to be a full fledged legal adult with a college degree, and a future career. Holy shit, i've been dreaming about this moment since before I can remember, I think everyone has. wow, what if it's not that great. what if it's not that different.. I mean look at John, he graduated he even got a real job, in the field that he graduated in. and look at him? He still lives in the same place dating the same girl, who hangs out with all his same friends which he's had since college, and he still does the same thing pretty much everyday... He even looks a little depressed sometimes.. Oh poor john, you used to be so pretty and full of life. Is that what life does to you? maybe that's just what love does to you? But that won't be me I refuse to let it be me. The end of my schooling is just the beginning of my adventures in wonderland. I've been seeing john a lot lately, he's the only person that I can really talk to in that group anymore, which is funny because he never used to talk to me very much. Now I seem to be the only person he's interested in talking to at these lame functions, maybe because I understand. lol. Well world lets get this thing started!

Fuck this shit......I can't believe what's happening....My life just officially went to shit... Me and my boyfriend broke up a little while ago, and to make shit ten times worse.. Now me and my best friends are going to be separated...Including the one person that I truly wanted to stay for.... NOw I might see him once a month instead of the everyday and night like we had planned....I Miss him sooo much and he misses me and we've only been apart for a week and now when he comes back i have to tell him, '"sorry Mike but now it's my turn to leave~!" Fuck THIS I HATE THIS.....fuck whoever is doing this...I was supposed to spend the summer living it up with my friends getting over Teddybear, and come back and live with laura and live happily ever after.....now my parents call me up and tell me that guess what You've been offered a position that i'm not allowed to decline..... Apparently the manager is going to make it worth my while..... Well fuck that 'cause i'm not going to be happy...MONEY isn't happiness and I Feel like such a failure.....and now.....

I don't know but i'm lost without him, and now our great plans for the summer are fucked too..... I'm soo so sorry Mike, I NEVer would have expected this...and you know i'm not happy now......

PLease LET SOMETHING GOOD HAPPEN PLEASE~!!!!!!!

What is WRONG With this boy!?!??!?!??!?!??!?!?!??!?! I just offered him what every guy dreams about in their biggest and best fantasies...and his reply is

"can't got shit to do tonight?!!!?!"

WHAT THE FUCK!!?!?!?!??!?!??!

My only guess is that he's starting to not like me as much anymore, there's no OTHER explanation.........I mean seriously.....YOu'd have to be like going to court tonight in order to reject this offer??!???????????

The best boyfriend ever is pissing me off....i'm not just some playtoy that you can play with now but get bored with later...but he wants to be with me so he is, and i want to be with him so I wont let him go....and this is a scary endless pattern...what am I going to do....I hate the fact that he got burned before and now it's being taken out on me.....I'm not her, and we're not in THEIR relationship; FUCking Martin cheated on me I thought yeah maybe he could cheat on me too.l...But I LET IT GO!!!!!!!!Once I realized that he's NOT MARTIN!!!! maybe that what I reallly really need to realize is that Teddy is Teddy he's gonna do what he'll do. he's not Martin, or Scott, or John, or Edwin, or anyother douche bag i've dated...and it's gonna be something completely different with him, good.......or bad....

OHHH !WOW! Teddy bought me a necklace in Idaho. When he came home i heard him trying to open the door I got it and gave him a big kiss, and he was like, "Hey you!" and then when we were down in his room Mary came in and I felt like i was back at home where me and my sister were helping my dad unpack, (no relation what so ever) but it just reminded me of that and then, Teddy goes, "present time" and he pulled out really good smelling hand lotion for Mary, and then he pulled out this little white jewelry box and I'm thinking, "Holy shit........." is that for me????

Yeah it was it's a beautifull topaz necklace set in real silver! and came with a lifetime garauntee! I was sooo happy just to see him and then he goes and does this...I was speechless.!!!!!!!!!!!of course now i'm not but WOW !!!!

I HAVE THE BEST BOYFRIEND EVER!!!!!!!!

no body has ever bought me jewelry before! Especially not real, nice jewelry!!! Oh and I missed Martin this week by accident, I forgot he was coming up to Bellingham and so when he texted me I sort of accidentally happened to be in Whistler...ooops...my bad. ! Oh well..


Anyway so very happy except for classes which suck balls...damn it, i want this quarter to be over, except do well...heheh
Oh and the inside of the necklace came with a meaning of TOpaz which happens to be friendship and TRUE LOVE@ I hope its both but mostly the latter. :)

Oh P.S I have really blonde hair now, I dyed it blonde, then highllighted it blond....It looks hot!!! though

MY SPEEDING TICKET IS SOOOOO LATE>.....they might not let me defer it....ah..yuck...and Teddy's still not back yet sad....

AH ha ha...(knock on wood three times please) SOMEBODY FINALLY CAUGHT A BREAK!!! JUSTICE LOL!! Anyway yeah so i'll be moving in with Laura Mrowca in September sometime!! Hoooray it's the nicest newest fucking house i've ever seen with one of the coolest girls i know and i'm pretty sure we'll be getting A CAT! hehe Teddy's gonna hate that but no worries doesn't matter if he hates my cat. 'cause he already hates my Smallville..lol.. okay so anyway yeah, it's a couple of freaking months away and the timing could've been better, but you know what it's worth it....Especially if Jason's gonna be moving in with us, 'cause I really do wanna live with him, so this really would be getting the best of both worlds...no one gets hurt..etc...and Great place to live with people I love...Okay so yeah that's all 'can't believe I posted twice tonight...probably 'cause i'm bored 'cause I'm avoiding Teddy actually not AVOIDING, giving him space to realize certain things...like that he's really gonna miss me if he keeps expecting me to JUSt COME OVER all the time..fuck that shit...okay over and out

BLLLAHHHH!@ Boyfriend is on probation until he can stop being a dick wad....
I really like my micro econ class sometimes..but I dont' like taking tests...same deal with my other classes....boo this sucks.. I wanna just declare my major now...and start working towards something I love...Then I would have less time to spend messing around doing nothing and less time to work at BEST BUY which kind of sucks lately...etc..

I'm soooo tired i've been staring at this goddamn computer forever and i'm STILL NOT DONE!!!FUCk!
on another note, I didn't go to my lab on wednesday and some how got 10/10 hmmmm? questionable...no who cares!
VIST ME TRACY!!!

I got a speeding ticket it sucks....$132 for going 12 OVER!!!! You get only $100 if you go 5 OVER!?!?!?!?! wow soo much better/ lol I shouldn't complain it could be worse...I hope my parents don't take my new car away!? that would suck even worse....shit I'm gonna get yelled at....

FUCK!!!!
anyway yeah so Teddy's gone for the week and i'm camping out at his place to keep Mary company and Mike too...Plus it's 4:20!!!!!!! Hahahah!!!! we're so gonna be baked tonight! And I do plan on watching smallville now that Teddy is gone...Maybe I can get Mike to watch it with me if he's stoned...

YAY NEW CAR!!!!!!!! ANd boyfriend is wonderfull again!!!!!!!!!!

shitty day!!!!!!!!!! Missed my lab, spent too much money, boyfriend is being a dick....and SOMEONE SIPHENED MY FUCKING GAS~!!!!!!

HOOoray, I'm sooo bored and Teddy's not coming to meet my parents anymore......blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! Stupid work, he's says he'll meet them but now we have to plan it and the worst part is that he wont be meeting my grandparents.....which means he may never meet them....because they live in California.....

oh well and now he's playing HALO in the living room right now while i just got done chopping an entire fucking onion...my eyes hurt and he can SUCK IT right now...Jason thinks he's a chode...but he doesn't really know him...so I don't know what's going on with that..... I'm not telling Jason I might be moving in with Laura until she gets her mother fucking shit together and starts getting serious instead of this flip flop shit.....

So as Katie Regan can vouch i've been a very grumpy girl lately because a certain someone did not call me for two straight days AFTER BREAKING OUR DATE PLANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So needless to say I was IRATE!!!!! So I got home quite steaming, and was not going to call him when I get a myspace message from guess who? Telling me that he know's I probably think he's ignoring me but hE"S NOT! He lost his phone and can't find it " my bad babe I"m hopeless I know...:("

And so when I got to his house there he was believe it or not, "desperately apologizing...." and he told me that he had been praying yesterday that I would just come over he waited at his house all afternoon, and he even went to best buy hoping I might be there working......I gotta say....I feel like the idiot now.... I get so angry when really something just came up like, "his cellphone litterally got lost IN the couch...I mean litterally too, we had to cut it out of the base of the couch...."
actually it was funny as shit....haha.....
and the whole situation is actually pretty damn funny now that I think about it....oh yeah and that night I got SUPER TRASHED...that was funny too.... i'm am very sore now because of silly decisions made while intoxicated.....ow...

So lately I have this really weird thing where everytime I look at my boyfriend...I can't help thinking about how georgeous he is....I mean I wanna be modest and all but I'm kinda concerned...is this normal? To be so enamoured about everything in your significant other..? NOrmally I would have these feelings about someone I had just a crush on...but this is someone who I kiss, spend time with, talk to, laugh with and pretty much live with>? What's the deal? By now I would normally be running to the other side of the country and yet here I am fixated on being with him all the time...which coincidentally he doesn't seem to mind, infact, HE ENCOURAGES IT?!?!?!

He's wonderfull to me, maybe that's it? He cares about me, he took me out to dinner in Seattle,.....and get this....HE PAID FOR EVERYTHING?!?!? WTF? what's with that...or maybe i've just finally found someone that I'M ACTUALLY INTO!? who knows?
But yeah am I weird or insane?

please have answer....

so I would be mad....since he bailed on me twice so far....however, I don't know I'll let it go I guess..well no actually we'll see.... Since both times were a surpise anyway...First Ted said that he was taking me out for dinner on friday, but then his work ran late so we couldn't but he still paid for my movie ticket to see vendetta red...then he said he felt bad, even though it was sort of a surprise anyways, but he said he'd make it up to me on our trip to seattle...which was also...a surprise.. thanks Mary! lol...anyway but then I see him laying on the couch today and I told him that my sister wanted to have dinner with us sometime this week...and he replied with a very unenthouisiased "oh...okay..." and then proceeded to mention that he wanted to go to seattle during the day time, and we should go tomorrow except that I work until three thirty tomorrow and every single day after that! so I can't do that, but in an effort to fulfill his wished I mentioned that we could go to Seattle in the day ANOTHER TIME..as in...in addition to...

wrong....again.... We have now postponed any attempts of EVER going out on a date together again for yet another week or two or three...WHO KNOWS? because I work sunday he doesn't so I'll try and get sunday off...but it may not happen... le sigh....

but he's sweet I can't say anything... He goes " I wanna go to seattle in the day so we can spend the day, and go to Pike Place Market, and I can buy you fresh cut flowers..."
How can you be mad at that or even refuse it?
I guess i'll just have to wait with him, but I shouldn't complain because I see him everyday that's like = to atleast one big date...

The girls came up I saw them briefly it was fun...they couldn't stay for breakfast though...damn...well at least they got to meet teddy!

I love Coconut popsicles.....mmmmm.frozen foods....

I've sent in the final paper for the final class of the final day of this quarter!!! Please let it have sent and be done with and I will take the final tomorrow and be done with this! Then I will got to Patti tell her I don't live in BT anymore and then be done with that..and my life in BT and all the shit that has happened this quarter will be done with and I wont have to think about it anymore...I can move on from my old life...I don't need to be connected to it anymore, and since I've already pretty much started a new, there's no need to worry about it anyway..
ALthough Katie you promised you'd still be part of my new life, so I'm counting on lots of hang out time over this spring break since finals week robbed me of you my love....We have lots to discuss! Anyway me and Teddy are having popsicles tonight which is awesome because we haven't had popsicles in a little while...and it's been an intense week...
whew....so I'm looking forward to it!!

So everyone at that party last night was pretty much a drunken retarded asshole...the boys kept slapping my ass and it hurt really badly, so finally i hit em back and what do I get??!?!?!! AUSTIN FUCKIN BIT ME!!! I'm not talking like a little bit like he bit me and broke the skin...I have some pretty intense bite marks on my arm too!! then I got molested by a bunch of guys rolling around on the floor, don't know how that happened? And then I finally managed to get Teddy to leave the party because he was drunker than I've ever seen him before...drove his truck back to his house where me and brent had to drag him inside and he finally passed out on his bed....but the night didn't stop there because in the middle of the night Teddy got sick...like I thought he might die sick...he stopped breathing and started throwing up all over the place and when he did breathe he was like moaning in pain.... So I spent the night crying, because he sounded like he was in so much pain, but knowing there wasnt really a whole lot I could do for him....then he got delirious and started talking to me about turning the water on...and then started to wimper and kept repeating, "just feel better, just feel better, just feel better..."
it's really strange but I was really scared last night, I sort of knew everything would be fine but at the same time I was so scared that I was losing him it was so completely irrational...plus we've only been together for like three weeks? plus I'm don't get attatched when i'm attatched to someone...it leads to bad things and irrational judgments...

when he woke up this morning he didn't remember anything from the night before...
then I found out from Ashley that John just found out last night that me and Teddy were together and what is his reaction
"YES!!! That means she doesn't like me anymore!?!?"

WHAt the fuck, even when I did like him towards the end of our thing I never really showed any kind of affinity in public for him at all or anything so why the fuck should he care at all whether I have feelings for him or not....I mean seriously that comment was really demeaning, it made me look like I was some kind of loser who nobody would want them or something....>wow so that made me feel pretty shitty...and
I already hadn't had a very good night so I feel like shit and to top it all off I might fail pretty much all of my classes....